Teacher Debbie: Lord, her clock went off. That sweet girl's about to embark on a magical journey. Most powerful thing in the world is the love of a woman for a child.
Dolphin Boy: (squeaks)
Teacher Debbie: Listen Fatty, I told you once. You can either hold it, or you can just pee in that wetsuit!

Marco: Well, Debbie thinks this is all about her biological clock.
Stormy: She stopped screaming enough to tell you that?
Marco: No no no no, the other Debbie. Debbie the teacher.
Stormy: Oh, you mean... black Debbie.
Sparks: Woah woah woah, why is she... black Debbie?
Stormy: Not in a bad way, it's just to tell them apart because she's... black.
Sparks: Well, why don't you call her Debbie, and call the other one... white Debbie.
Stormy: White Debbie? That's stupid! I know she's white.
Marco: Then why do you call the other Debbie "black Debbie?" You know she's black!
Stormy: Hey, first off, I really don't think we should be talking about this in front of Dr. Quinn.
Quinn: Listen man, you're missing the point. What if everybody went around calling you "white Stormy?"
Stormy: You mean there's a black Stormy?
Quinn: ... No.

Captain Murphy: Well, as long as the baby doesn't touch my stash.
Debbie: Your what?
Captain Murphy: ... Mustache.

Sparks: Okay Debbie, forget about Hesch.
Debbie: Okay.
Sparks: I've got something for you.
Debbie: What is it?
Sparks: A book.
Debbie: What's the book?
Sparks: A Modest Proposal.
Debbie: By whom?
Sparks: Jonathan Swift.
Debbie: And what is the book about?
Sparks: Eating babies.
----
Stormy: Stupid Hesch. I'll show him what a pipe is.
Teacher Debbie: Hey Stormy!
Stormy: Hey! Bla... Debbie! ... Hey, do you like rap?
Teacher Debbie: Now what in the hell is --
----
Debbie: -- that supposed to mean?
Sparks: Like veal... only babies.
Debbie: WHAT!?
Sparks: And I'm talking real baby back ribs. See, it all comes--
----
Stormy: -- down to the fact that you all have far more fast-twitch muscle fiber.
Teacher Debbie: Stormy Waters, I have heard some dumb theories in my time, but this is, without a doubt --
----
Debbie: -- the foulest thing I have ever heard!
Sparks: Rrrriibs! Dripping with sauce!
Debbie: That's disgusting!
Sparks: Falling off the bone!
Debbie: You sick bastard!
Sparks: Just trying to help out a single mom.
Debbie: I am surrounded by freaks!
Stormy: (comes in) Man, don't go out there, that black chick is crazy!

Debbie: If I want a steroid freak baby, I'll call you.

Director: You have five seconds to be on your mark and in wardrobe, or I will personally climb inside your abdominal cavity and make a little house in there for my dogs to play in!

Quinn: (as a fish) Hey man, did you know there's toxic waste like, right over there?
Whale: Uh... humans and their filthy ravenous machines... spewing out vile toxins...
Quinn: Might even be radioactive. I think we ought to get everybody out o--
Whale: Did you know that the average fish today contains more mercury than a rectal thermometer?
Quinn: Yeah, I think I read that someplace.
Whale: Would you eat a rectal thermometer!? Answer me, damn you!
Quinn: Uh... no.
Whale: Well, I would. (eats Quinn the fish)
Quinn: HEY!
Whale: Ah, mercury. Sweetest of the transition metals.

Quinn: That's not in the budget. How're we paying for all this?
Sparks: Selling pot... holders. Made of hemp.

Captain Murphy: Woah! Hey! It's like a koala bear crapped a rainbow in my brain!

Marco: I'll see what I can do about finding your little... toy.
Captain Murphy: It's not a toy. It makes real cupcakes with a 40 watt bulb, and there's icing packets. But the secret ingredient is love... dammit.

Marco: What kind of madman are you?
Sparks: Oh, you know, the regular kind. World domination, the usual. I've even got a secret mountain stronghold.
Marco: You do not!
Sparks: Do to! Check this out, smart guy. Attention henchmen... this isOverlord.
Henchmen: All hail the Overlord. All hail the Overlord.
Sparks: Man, that kills me.

Captain Murphy: Dr. Quinn, have you found my oven? Oh, and, uh, is Stormy dead yet?

Captain Murphy: Now, you people get that oven, or die trying. You hear that, Stormy? DIE.

Quinn: What's the deal with this French guy?
Stormy: I think he's just here for atmosphere.
French Guy: Fah me eet wahs lahk ah rahtahn to thah woommb.  Ah wahs ahbsahbed bah mahthah oshahn een all her wahndrahs gloree.
Quinn: What is he gibbering about?
Stormy: I don't know; it's French. It's crap.
French Guy: Thah see ees ah seemphonee ahf cahlors, ahnd yet, thahre ees dahnger aht ehvree turn. She ees a fierce ahnd fickahl mahsstrahss.
Quinn: Hey! Shut your fryhole!
French Guy: Oh, poop.

Quinn: He wants the oven! If we just give him the oven --
Captain Murphy: NO! You are expendable; that oven is not.

Sparks: That tears it! How many times do I have to hear the word "womb" today!?

Captain Murphy: Hey, whatcha got there? Puddin' puppets?
Merchant: That, my handsome captain, is a gloop. The gloops are an ancient and mystical race from the Zandar dynasty --
Captain Murphy: Uh-huh. This one's named Squishface, and we are out of here.

Squishface: (pops out a baby gloop)
Captain Murphy: A baby gloop! Kickass mommy Squishface!
Squishface: (pops out several more babies)
Captain Murphy: Woah! You got knocked up pretty good, huh?

Sparks: Let go, you smelly rat bastard!
Quinn: Stop hitting him! You're triggering their natural defense mechanism!
Sparks: What, the reek of wet ass?
Quinn: Methane sulfate.
Marco: Augh!
Quinn: Apparently they release it when they're angry... or threatened... or just whenever.
Marco: I bet that's what the smell is!
Quinn: ... Really.

Quinn: Marco, you in, or out?
Marco: Man, I'm torn between my love of gloops and my love of killing... Okay, let's grease them.

Captain Murphy: A dying kid? Oh, man! Is it the plague?
Marco: No, it's --
Captain Murphy: It's the plague, isn't it!?
Marco: No, it's --
Captain Murphy: It'll spread like wildfire! Oh, we're doomed!

Captain Murphy: Attention all personnel, the Black Death is coming! The Black Death is coming! The great pestilence is finally upon us! Repent! Repent!

Griffin: Crikey! Is it oh-so-bleedin' cold in here!
Captain Murphy: That, my sick little non-friend, is probably just the cold, stale breath of the reaper, blowing down your neck.

Department of Sensitivity lecturer: In today's workplace, even something as innocent as a coffee cup can be offensive... especially one with a swastika.